mimi in the making

sigh

2007-04-02T21:25:00.001+08:00

you don't need to know, right?

are we supposed to keep it bottled up inside?

maybe..maybe it's safer that way.

we would hurt less/

or so we saY.

sigh

2007-04-02T21:25:00.000+08:00

you don't need to know, right?

are we supposed to keep it bottled up inside?

maybe..maybe it's safer that ay.

we would hurt less/

or so we saY.

hope in Thee for us

2006-10-13T23:12:00.000+08:00

Capitulation is breaking down and falling into the temptation of despair. "I Hope" is authentic hope, wherein an alternative to despair is presented in the form of positive non-acceptance that is characterized by patience and openness to the future, openness to change and development, and most of all open to the movement of time. One can only authentically hope in the context of real captivity. We are all subject to captivity as it is our general mode of humanity. Just as we experience captivity, then also we may come to experience communion with the Thou. We only need to seek the One Good from which all the other goods in our mortal life came from. In the face of this One Good, all other goods become secondary. This is the promise of Joy given to us as a gift- the promise that upon leaving this life in the here and now, we may come to reach that fullness of Joy beyond all joys that we have never known in our human life.. through this, we come to realize that authentic hope can only apply with respect to the Thou, the transcendent Thou which is that than which nothing greater can be thought, that which is not possible to think of as not existing, that of the highest good, and that which is better to be than not to be.

"Dear God, now I know why you utter no answer. how can you reveal yourself to us? when we do not have faces..YOU yourself are the answer. Before YOU all questions die away."

"we can never understand the intent of the Thou Till we have faces in our hearts and
souls."

"and unto man enters suffering, so that [faith, hope and love] may have existence."

even though we already believe, we still seek to understand that which we already believe in. "Faith in search of Understanding" begins with the desire to communion with the Thou, and results to the realization that no matter how much you understand, there is still space for more understanding. this constitutes authentic love. the promise of joy found in this realization can be further multiplied when one experiences joy due to the joy of others. Just as suffering due to the Thou and others enter man, then also the possibility of authentic hope arises.

--mimi's own words, using memories from the ffg references: Gabriel marcel's article about hope, the novel Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis, the novel The End of the Affair by Graham Greene, and St. Anselm's Proslogion.

**Glory be to Thou in the highest, before which all questions and doubts melts away.
**Glory be to Thou in the highest, before which all fears disappear.
**Glory be to Thou in the highest, the highest good, that ONE GOOD.

***For without YOU, all life loses meaning. what is life wothout faith, hope and love? what is life in the presence of senseless repetitions and capitulation in captivity?

**Only YOU can fill the void that resides inside our selves.

-- I have no more to say.. words and words overlap each other..Teach me to never get tired

of seeking YOU, of desiring YOU, of believing in YOU.

--AMEN.

2006-10-03T18:56:00.000+08:00

YESTERDAY: supposed to go to the library to finish History 18 reflection paper and study THEO141 for the long exam.

-- BUT went to the Ateneo Vs. UST instead (was not supposed to go but...) .
-- During the game: mom calling: I canceled the call (crowds cheering)
-- Still during the game: mom text: Puyat ka kagabi. wag ka na manuod
-- Ateneo Lost.
-- Ministop (looking for a tricycle to ADMU)(rain begins)
-- Rain gets stronger
-- stranded at minisstop. called joelsmart (driver) to fetch us.
-- At home: matulog ka na
-- I was sooo tired anyway that i cannot even stay up for a while to review and START my reflection paper
-- went to sleep..supposed to wake up at 11 am..then went to sleep again..then 4 am...then sleep again

TODAY
-- woke up at 7 am. started typing history paper
-- 8:05 am: turned off PC, paper not yet finished, have to go to history class
-- 9 am: history class was fun
-- 1030 am: went to the caf, then to the library to study theo
-- AT the LYB: thaw chia two donuts (my lunch)
-- 12:00 : theology long exam: hope i get a good grade
-- 1:30 pm: continue history reflection paper
-- 4:00 pm nagmamadali na.
-- about 430 pm : print: and this is where the journey begins...

JOURNEY
-- Mimi: "Yung folder po na Senior subjects tapos History 18 tapos yung 'LAST REFLECTION YEHEY' po."
-- CTC 101 Staff: "yehey ah!"
-- mimi: "onga po eh last na eh. yehey!"
-- Staff: "ayaw ma-open ah"
-- mimi (starts to get anxious): "ayaw po?"
-- CTC 101 staff: "san ka ba nag save?"
-- mimi: "sa laptop po"
-- staff: try mo isave dito sa USB namin"
-- Mimi (went back to the latop, the file cannot be opened: 'corrupted')
-- Mimi to staff: "ayaw po ma-open.."

CONTUNUE JOURNEY
-- carla (azucena) helped me by downloading the word repair program.
-- I tried the program, still did not work
-- yun pala, the staff has a repair program. they gave me the usb thinking i have saved a back-up copy on my laptop, which i did not do.
-- CTC staff tried to heal the file.
-- staff to another staff: "try mo i-repair. yung sa folder na senior trapos history tapos yung yehey. pero ngayon hindi na yehey huhu na."
-- mimi: (laughs)
--staff only recovered first page.
-- luckily the templates are still on my USB and one of those templates contained my paper up to the first paragraph of the second page (my paper was 3 pages long)
-- staff: "wala talaga eh..hanggang dito lang ang powers namin..gusto ka man namin tulungan.."
-- mimi: "thank you po"
-- 5:00 pm: CTC about to close: I start to do the red in the face thing
-- I went to the cr along with carla
-- stayed in the cubicle for about 5 minutes?
-- went out, joined carla
-- carla suggested to go to the RSF to email sir for reconsideration (tnx carla)
-- emailed sir

JOURNEY ABOUT TO END
-- At home: checked my email: sir replied. okay to pass but 1 point deduction
-- I forgot pwede pa pal magpass kahit late..
-- blogger

LATER
-- finish history paper

CLOSING REMARKS
-- A SPecial Thank You to: CARLA AZUCENA and CARLO TIONGSON :) Thank You Thank You Thank You. :)

Debug my allergy PLEASE.

2006-10-01T23:16:00.000+08:00

I Hate Computers.

"The Allergy" came back to visit me-- again.

Crap! Nobody can relate to and UNDERSTAND this allergy except me. and my mom maybe.

Allergies are misunderstood. Mine's not a rash, itchiness, ek ek. NO.

It's a CUT in the throat.

Not over-reacting damn it! it's really a CUT in the throat.

and as I said, nobody understands how it feels except me. and my mother maybe.

Gift of Nature

2006-09-23T20:40:00.000+08:00

Use only what you need.
Buy only what you need.
recycle old newspapers/magazines
--use them as gift wrappers.
recycle bond papers
--use the back side for printing your handouts and papers
(if it's okay for your teachers).
Conserve energy, water, tissue papers.

remember, you encourage production by buying stuff you don't really need
-- especially those made of plastic.
and by doing so, you contribute to the pollution in our country.

(No more NBS for me..less NBS for me.)

This is a start.
And the reward is not a good grade, not recognition.

"..and you'll own the earth and still, all you'll own is earth until..you can paint with all the colors of the wind.."

f_c_.

2006-09-20T13:22:00.000+08:00

f_c_. My computer has numerous errors not of my making (but that of my brother--what's his name-- buwiset).

Microsoft word won't open. Excel won't open. powerpoint won't open.
my Yahoomail cannot reply and attach files.

Hell! even Feeding Frenzy two won't open!

These past few weeks i have been slacking away from my studies. not to mention the consistent cuts and lates for my classes.

In addition, the sound system on my laptop has gone silent too.

My physics exam was a mess (again). From 18/50 to 27/50 (1st long exam to 2nd LE). There's improvement! But still di pa rin ako umabot ng 60 percent. But the more i fret, the more that would be unfair to others. Because i have experienced depression when i got my first long exam which is 18/50 or a whopping 38% and i squirmed? more of flamed and gotten more depressed and angry at the sight of others who passed (25 above) and yet were still complaining about how low their grades were. This is why i have no right to complain about my grade on the second long exam.

i'm back

2006-09-12T23:37:00.000+08:00

Music: Final Distance -- Utada Hikaru
Mood: Tired

After the second Physics exam yesterday, i seem to have stagnated..."bum" is the word and i'm living it out.

(FF songs and characters and vertical horizon: i have no right to even think about this--it is unfair to my other-- but why does your image-- a blurred image of you--stirs up my memories?)

Music: Under Crisis, Soul Searching-- Urbandub (rocks.)
Mood: sleepy

Music: Quiet Poetic -- Urbandub still.

5...4...3...2..1..

and I sleep...

Touched by the passion of Steve Irwin..

2006-09-11T18:49:00.000+08:00

today, i joined abi in watching BIGJ and Ian feed their "thesis pets (rats?)" in the bio house (ADMU) just beside the tricycle waiting area in sec.

Then I saw the monkey again. Poor monkey...his? hair has been falling out and he's making sounds from time to time..i think he's trying to call attention? or maybe he's trying to get out because I saw him trying to dig his way out of the cage (Note: trying 3x). By the looks of it, (especially if you've seen the conditions in the "Biology House"), he seems sick, abandoned, and lonely (i can only surmise).

BIGJ said that Mang Ed takes care of the animals in the Bio house (two snakes that look like half-dead, a loner chicken, mice, bayawak, who knows what else) even at his expense (to the point of using his own money)..

So sad. I do not have, or even any person, the position to judge the Bio department maybe? because what do we know about their expenses and their plan for the future? But I sincerely hope that they do not let these animals die, or even worse, Live in such dying conditions.

My first ambition was to be a veterinarian. Now i want to be a biologist, conservationist, anything that has to do with upholding the health and rights of animals. If we treat them like trash, how else can we expect others to treat people?

Before I die, my dream will be to take part in rescuing or helping an animal in need.

(why not help a person you ask? (like join organizations, etc) my response would be, why not? But i must admit, before doing something big, be sure to start with small things first. Just like growing, take baby steps first, then as you learn new things, you can now start to take bigger steps :D

Flashes and Allergies

2006-09-07T23:05:00.000+08:00

i feel bad about feeling bad. That's good, right?

My allergy's returning again! :(

Senior's Alternative Pose : (sabi ni carla equal sign yan! and I agree! ;) ) Yearbook Main Pic
-- a warm hug >:)< and a thank you to MIA and CARLA for my hair and write-up, KALEN for the accessories, ABI TUD for the styling and ideas, MUR for the earrings, TIONG! for the drama and support :D

Thank You BFF! I would not be what i am now if it were not for you :D

wtf??!!

2006-08-31T19:12:00.000+08:00

finally. i thought blogger won't open and i'll be stuck with the "angst".

Philo HATES me.

UNFAIR.

Alam ng iba pero ako walang alam.

Nahihirapan na nga ako magisip.

Sana huwag na ako paisipin (kahit na mabuti iyon para, sige na nga, "ma-exercise daw ang isip" para "maisip mo, alam mo naman yan e!")

??!! wtf.

at i-share nalang sana ang insight.

yuffie

2006-08-12T21:33:00.001+08:00

Which FF Character Are You?

last night was a blasT!! :D i'm supposed to be a pirate but tiong said na mukha daw akong yuffie. anyway, i saw this link and lo and behold!! yuffie nga!! hehe i don't know her, i don't play ff VII but i just answered the test :) thank's to eiza for the beautiful "pirate" longsleeve shirt and to kalen for the make-up!! kalen you're so hot! hehe

speaking truth in love

2006-08-05T23:28:00.000+08:00

today i went to church, after a verryy looong tiimme (about 1 year and a half). The topic was "Speaking Truth in Love". the speaker (i forgot his name..) gave many insights on the topic.

Example: what if you have a friend who has B.O. body odor? or bad breath? or a friend who has an attitude? how will you tell that person in a NICE way? hmm... if you speak the truth but without love, you are prone to initiating broken relationships. if you love the person so much that you don't want to tell the truth, that is not love. No commitment there. Titiisin mo nalang ang amoy? you have to tell your friend. or else you're not a true friend.

what if you are the one being spoken to? even in trivial things..such as "nagpagupit ka? hindi bagay!!! bakit ka nagpagupit!!!" "ang dry ng hair mo!!!" "naghuhugas ka ba ng mukha? ang dami mo kasing pimples eh." ouch. of course, you'll just smile away the pain...until the wound heals. and you'll be able to smile true again.

oftentimes we are sensitive.

even to small physical things..even if the person means well, we still get hurt. it's just a matter of how well we take the truth that's revealed to us. either we dismiss the comment or we accept it. on the side of the speaker, we should be more sensitive. before saying anything, we must think it through first. and depending on the emotional and sensitive attributes of the peroson to be talked to, we should rephrase our comment in such a way that yes, it will hurt a little, but after a while, it should help in the healing process.

I am becoming bitter and bitter by the moment. Have to stop this or i'll become a pathetic worn-out tupperware. on the other hand, i may also become a pot of bioling water that burns anyone who dares to touch me.

what drives you

2006-08-05T00:19:00.000+08:00

the clutch. it's all a matter of estimation. when you feel the machine (car) trembling, you know you have to push the gas a little more.

or else-

the car dies on you.

it hurts your pride, first and foremost. but the more you think about it, you realize that no one was to blame but you. blame the clutch? no way. either you over- or UNDER-estimated.

a friend of mine told me (regarding the clutch), "mas okay nang masayang ang gas, kaysa mabangga ka".

i have to engrave that into my system. better to lose a part of yourself than deliberately crash into other people. Kung sa bagay, the gas can be refilled. mahal lang nga. BUT when you crash into others, MAS MAHAL ang bayad. (Lalo na kung napakagandang kotse and nabangga mo).Hindi mo alam kung maibabalik mo pa ang dating itsura ng kotse mo. Maaaring puwede pa, ngunit matagalang panahon ang kinakailangan. At paano kung hindi na? Sorry ka nalang, kasalanan mo naman.

Strike the gas while the clutch is still half-way. if you don't, and you still continue to raise the clutch, you're in trouble. BIG trouble.

Bless those people who have the guts to sacrifice and stick to their friends no matter what. These people are true friends.

what you've earned, you use wisely and do not waste on selfish desires, and i'm not even talking about money.

again, easier said than done. but it SHOULD be done. it SHOULD. or else you're not yet fit to be in the driver seat of your life. And unless you clean your extinct volcanoes (one never knows, as the Little Prince said), you are going to be stuck with other people on the wheel and remain a passenger for the rest of your life. And i'm not even talking about driving cars.

[How obvious can I get?]

Bless those people who have the guts to sacrifice and stick to their friends no matter what. These people are true friends.

continue frustrations.

2006-07-22T11:31:00.000+08:00
and now i can't study.

i will not wish that there won't be any classes this monday because there will be.

and i WILL fail my physics First long exam.

no questions asked.

if ever i will pass, that'll be another entry on my blog. But i DOUbt it.

imagine. ang babaw palang ng mga problema ko.

paano pa kung malalim na? baka mag-contemplate na ako ng suicude.

pero di naman. grabe na yun. may mga values pa naman akong natitira.

frustrations.

2006-07-22T11:21:00.000+08:00
I forgot to pass my physics homework yesterday (Friday). Everybody was busy solving the practice problem Mr. Guererrero gave us while I stare blankly without having any capability of solving the problem (while people were Busy solving the problem, while they were busy...ok stop. yes, they were busy and they understand the problem and i stare blankly pretending to understand!).

Nearing the end of the class, I was still copying notes. and NOBODY told me na pinapass na pala nila yung homeworks. (pero thankful ako dun sa mga tumulong sakin sa assignment especially carla). and thank's to stanley na tinulungan ako kahapon sa physics thank you na di ka nawalan ng patience sa akin.

bullshit. forget everything i said on my last last last entry (except for the appeal to God part: I desperately need that). Don't make life harder than it already is? Bullshit again.

Easier said than done.

Note: this is not just about the assignment mind you.

Bullshit.

Am i this sensitive? ang drama ko naman.

people just don't know it.

and when i cry, i don't want people to mind me.

just leave me alone.

the rose and the thorn caught in between

2006-07-21T00:03:00.000+08:00
grr. i can't sleep..again.

hope my brain's forming lots and lots of sulci coz i'm thinking too much. maybe not too much. maybe just plain thinking.

confused...I ignored you. again. Yet tomorrow's another day, and you greet me with a smile on your face (at least that's what i imagine). why don't you just teach me the lesson i've been wanting to learn but so stubbornly refuses to learn it by myself? the problem with you is you tolerate me too much...and I thank you for that :) _ _ _ _

there's change in me. ever since the incident/enlightenment/awakening happened, i've learned to control my impatience and selfishness (after being aware of it, after regretting..) . I have still a lot to learn and to control and to give, thanks to you I became a better person :) baby steps but i'm growing :) _ _ _ _ _

grr. i have to sleep or else i will be late for Physics again. and again. and again. But does that really matter? I don't think so.....oh stop.

i'm going to sleep :)

can not function

2006-07-16T22:29:00.000+08:00
I can not function. Have to finish my Bioinformatics homework. Have to write or else my mind will wander and get lost. have to write fast (courtesy of carla :)). Wow. Going through the entries of my blog from the first to the latest gave me an overview about myself. It's kind of a strange feeling..

WAKE UP!!!

Must function. Must finish my Bioinformatics homework. Must delay writing for another time. Must control mind-wandering. Must finish this writing. Fast.

Off I go and I will return.

Thoughts on life in general and an appeal to God

2006-07-16T21:31:00.000+08:00

Life is hard..unfair. at night, when your body is supposed to rest by sleeping, your mind begins to wander, thought floats about, giving you time to think things over. Being with others is not hard. it's part of your social life. In fact, it becomes a given that you should make friends with others, from the time you study in nursery until you graduate, and it does not end there. Sharing your life with them, those close to you, is a little hard, especially when it comes to sensitive, personal topics, but eventually it gets easier when you feel comfortable with the person and when trust develops. But sharing your life with someone else is even harder. Who knows what the future will bring? Is it even worth the risk? Of course, these are futile questions..Are you wasting time? Should you have done other things than..than, for instance, think about how hard it is? Why..

How do others see you? How do you see others? Do they see you the same way you see them? Or do they see you as you see yourself? How do you see yourself? Do you even take time to enjoy yourself, to release your inner side? Most of the time, we become too technical with the world around us. Everything becomes a routine, a plan, a goal. It is not wrong to doubt. The church who says doubting is a sin does not fully understand the workings ofthe God they worship. When you doubt, you question, you wonder, you think. When you think, you see things at a different light. People see things differently. Others see the glass of water half-full, others see it half-empty. I see the glass of water half-full, for certain situations.

It is your choice if you let "nature" as they say, control you. If you choose to "go with the flow", you will "go with the flow". If you want to reach a goal in life, you see signs as good signs. If, however, you sense danger ahead, you see bad signs. I am not saying that you are alone, that you alone can make yourself. That would be too selfish..and sad..On the contrary, I belive that the life you live does not need to be as hard as you think it is.

Don't make life harder than it already is. Don't make it harder for yourself. It is not the answers to your questions that are important, it is the process, the experince...that makes life worth living. In the end, when you have truly conquered your fear by doubting, and whether you regained strength by doubting or you lose hope, it is up to you if you CHooSe to be that way. It is up to you to take the risk, or to stay safe. It is up to you to belive in God or not.

True love is never effortless. Have patience, faith, doubt, more faith, more doubt, more more faith, more patience....and if things don't work out as you would have want them to, don't despair. Be happy for the experience you've experienced. It is hard to live life as if you are going to die the next day or the next hour, simply because you know that you are not yet going to die. Just stand for what you believe and be responsible for the choices you've made and will make. Life does not get easier as you go on, but it is up to you to continue your monotonous lifestyle and succomb to the workings of the modern broken world or to break free..to see life in a different light and to see yourself as more...to see others as more...to live life as more..There are some things we do not comprehend, and we have to accept our limitations. It does not mean, however, that we give in. Give up. In the words of the philosopher Gabriel Marcel, do not only have hope, but "be hope". For yourself, for others, for God (before going deeper into God's realm, the realm of mystery and the infinite, first understand the basic language of the world, yourself, and others.)

* Thank you to Philosophy for awakening myself to the sense of being. A lot of the ideas thought about here came from philosophy. Thank you to my faith in the infinite and everlasting God, whom i have recently doubted but Who now is regaining my strength and faith back again. I have more faith now than before. Thank you to others who continue to give me hope and encouragement, from little things to deeper, more personal relationships. The challenge to me now is to be that hope.

Dear God, I have constantly put You down and contributed to the thorns placed on Your head. May I ask for Your forgiveness and please may You take me back again..in that safe arms of Yours? Of course i already know the answer..but i feel so ashamed that I've been gone a long time..I do not expect that this is going to be easy, of course it's not.. but i am back and again, willing to be molded into .. please guide me for my first step. :)

--Mimi Asuncion
--July 16, 2006
--12:45 pm

March 9, 2006

2006-03-29T11:12:00.000+08:00

the cake says: HAppy Birthday Mama! from, papa, mimi, althan, aaron, Xena (our dog), Macky and Bea (the son and daughter of Xena)

we love our dogs, they're a part of the family now.. as you can see, Xena took over my place as the "daughter" of the family by blocking my face!!! hmph! hehe

X-men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-22T20:54:00.000+08:00

I can't wait to watch this!!!! :D

:(

2006-03-22T20:28:00.000+08:00
i should remember this: the measure of a person is not how well he prepares for everything to go right, but on how gracefully he stands up and moves on after everything goes wrong.

after Philo orals, i felt so baaaddd...!!!

. should not be selfish. tsk tsk yan tuloy napapala ko.

Comfort women

2006-02-23T09:17:00.000+08:00

http://www.matanglawin.org/isyu05/images05/comfort1.jpg
for an introduction to the issue, there are many sites in the net, especially on Lola Rosa's story.

i have to write this.

Comfort Woman: Slave of Destiny
Where will I start? Last Saturday, at 2 in the afternoon, we watched a play about the Comfort Woman during the WWII when the Japanese invaded the Philippines. That was where I learned about these women and the sufferings they went through. Even though I have not even read any of their books or have just stumbled upon this issue because it is required in our History class to watch this play and write a reflection paper, I automatically felt.. I really don't know how to explain it. I believe it's something shared by women everywhere when they hear about rape stories, along with pictures of those stories in their imaginations.

One may say, to be fair to the Japanese soldiers, that they might have only lost their sanity because of the war (limited food rations, improper care for them of the Japanese government) maybe it was because of the war that they have lost "humanity" and it was then that they deem it necessary to purge out all their hatred to these "comfort women". I'm really not in the position to judge the Japanese, even though i really feel strongly for these comfort women. The Jap soldiers might have their reasons.

But whatever these reasons are, I really don't feel like they are rational and "reason" enough. Whatever the Japanese culture is, I don't get it. I really don't. forgive me for judging but nakakainis e...alam ko wala akong karapatan na mainis dahil wala akong alam tungkol sa kanila (sa comfort women and sa japanese) pero nakakinis talaga. normal lang naman mainis diba?

What is more upsetting is that up to date (from what I've known) the Japanese government still has not acknowledged the cry of these comfort women and the organizations that are helping them. One may say, what about rapists everywhere? Is it just the comfort women and the Japanese soldiers that is the issue?

More often than not, because we are living in a life of security, comfort, and blessings, we do not take notice of these things, only when they came to pass us for a while. Take me, for instance. I said that I have to write this because even after four days, I can't seem to take this issue out of my mind. But come ten days, one month, and one year, I will forget this issue. It might still be at the back of my mind, but what can I do? What will I do? Up to what extent am I willing to give up myself for this issue? I have no intention to join women organizations and help fight for justice for these women because I myself am a student, and I cannot afford to lose time because I am studying to be a medical doctor (which is to save lives).

How ironic. I have just contradicted myself. Basically this is what happens inside our minds that we don’t take notice of. So, in effect, all the things I have written above will make no sense to me after I get tired of hearing the issue all over again. Then I continue on with my daily life, with my daily routine. Why? Because the issue does not affect me in the long run. It might affect me now, because I am a woman and I feel strongly about the issue, but after a while, it will rub off.

This is really hard. No matter how hard I try to contribute to the cause, I cannot. Because I am not willing to sacrifice myself for it. So bless those people who sacrifice themselves for the cause. Maybe someday I can change my mind. Maybe someday, when I've learned a lot, and when I've chosen to forget all the things I've learned and just listen to the call of my humanity inside of me, for humanity's sake, for goodness' sake, not for the feeling of fulfillment of doing something good, but for good itself, maybe then I will learn how to be truly human without even realizing it.

2005-12-01T20:59:00.000+08:00
changed my mind about the neil gaiman books...hahaha:) my eyes are straining so..no more books:)

Stardust...Christmas...:D

2005-10-22T23:00:00.000+08:00
i want neil gaiman's books for christmas!!! (*parinig* :D)

1. Stardust
2. Neverwhere
3. yun palang...yan palang mga alam ko eh..hehe
4. ito pa pala!!!! any book basta about retold or adult fairy tales!!!! please!!!! :D

whew!!!! finally..i've survived ist sem of third year....:)

:) what i did during this sem break.. so far:
1.tv
2. shopping (grabe sa 168!!! everything's pretty because everything's cheap!!! haha, konti nalang tuloy people sa g-hils hehe)
3. pc (insaniquarium)
4.net
5.fix my room! (created study table haha)
6. hm...urm....game boy...:D (secret na kung anong game!!! haha)
7. nbs
8. nbs
9. nbs again!!! :)
10. beads.. (something to do with christmas gifts:) )

snow, glass, apples

2005-10-05T17:19:00.001+08:00
i am so distracted from studying for the finals.....

for those interested in "twisted" fairy tales (like me :) ) check this out: http://www.holycow.com/dreaming/stories/snow.html

its a retelling of snow white...:) thank's eula! :)

2005-10-05T17:19:00.000+08:00
i am so distracted from studying for the finals.....

for those interested in "twisted" fairy tales (like me :) ) check this out: http://www.holycow.com/dreaming/stories/snow.html

its a retelling of snow white...:) thank's eula! :)

theo, babies, kfc

2005-10-02T22:24:00.000+08:00
i spent the whole day sitting and studying theology for tomorrow's finals..nakakapagod... so i checked my mail and forwarded something about eating babies...then eula replied and said that it was a hoax. anyway, she posted this site: http://ljconstantine.com/babycakes/page1.htm... grabe... really, ganda ng comic strip na to humans. how stupid and greedy.

here's another one:) i first found out about this from PETA's magazine on animal ethics... ( from carlo santos, na di ko na binalik ung magazine hahaha)
http://www.kentuckyfriedcruelty.com/kfchearse.asp

by the way, i've stopped eating KFC ever since, nakakamiss (haha) pero sana makayanan kong panindigan to. :)

a hypocrite

2005-09-25T19:44:00.000+08:00
i am a hypocrite.

Evil is a deformation of good. Violence is the effect of sin on our souls. It destroys and disfigures us. It maims us. It makes us look inhuman, ugly and hideous before the Father.

Satan visited me. i let him in.

Jesus knocked on my door, i shut Him out.

oh God, i need You back. i need You...

Computer # 84 in RSF (ADMU)

2005-09-19T17:13:00.000+08:00
i am so tired that i can barely open my eyes to edit my history paper. Maybe it's the different chemicals i've smelled during the genetics lab that made my head ache and my eyes dry. i want to eat. and rest... i want this sem to end already.

Dearest...

2005-09-16T23:01:00.000+08:00
I wrote this on January 16, 2005.

'Dearest'
Acceptance above all lies and deepest secrets,
Understanding in the midst of doubt,
holding on in spite of pride,
and
freedom beyond pain and suffering.
Yours truly

LOVE..(nanaman?!!! hehe) Not the false notion of "love"

2005-08-24T23:42:00.001+08:00
whew!... just finished our 3rd and last! theo (Theology) exam today...(last na? di na ako makakbawi! huhuhu...may cumulative final exam pa! huhuhu...) Just want to share...

Love is NOT a feeling. It is a choice. It's the WILL to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth..Genuine love is volitional rather than emotional. The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love. This person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present.

Common misconceptions on love:
1.) love is "falling in love"
2.) love is "romantic love"
3.) love is dependency
4.) love is "Self-sacrifice"
5.) Love is a feeling

* Siyempre love cannot exist without the feeling..ang boring naman kung ganun haha pero the point is...genuine love still loves even without the feeling...provided that the decision made was a thoughtful and committed decision with wisdom. :) (WAH! Orals nalang sana! baka makabawi pa ako! hehe)

--> The Road Less Travelled by Scott Peck (One of our required Theo readings)

sorry...the exam was frustrating...i got all mixed up because of information overload...hehehe and "to be fair"(HINDI "in fairness"), this reading on love is really helpful and "awakening" hahaha :) Sometimes, when the "feeling" of loneliness or uncertainty visits you...just remember these things..and think again...when you decided on that certain situation did you decide for the right reasons? or were you a victim of these misconceptions? If you were, well...ikaw bahala sa buhay mo pero para sakin ikaw din ang kawawa :) unless wala kang pakialam sa sarili mo basta ma-satisfy ka lang temporarily :) If you made the right choice (according to the concepts above) then ok lang yan..(kinakausap ko sarili ko) feelings are only TEMPORARY. Sometimes they fade, but sometimes they come back. :)

I LOVE this statement..."Sometimes it is when two people fall out of love that the opportunity for REAL love comes in." (Memorized ko to by heart haha)

grr!!!! still MORE exams to study and MORE work to do!!!! hay la na ko masabi ... hope to "update" again after hell week/month/sem is over...

continuation (untitled)

2005-06-22T18:53:00.000+08:00
this sem has the subjects i like :) and ang galing kasi may developmental biology na, meron pang marriage and sexuality :) parang complementary sila :) yung isa, in view of biology. yung isa naman, in light of theology or in light of GOD! :) hehehe
meron pang philosophy! which reminds me.. sir PASCO talked about "pagmamahal" during our last meeting..and grabe totoo mga sinasabi niya!! unang una sa list niya ay yung pagtataya ng sarili :)

he also talked about the difference between "you complete me" by tom cruise? and "you make me wanna be a better man" by jack nicholson..nakalimutan ko na yung title ng movies hehe anyway..

yung "you complete me" implies that the woman is merely a "thing" or "vitamins and minerals" that only serves to complete the void or the space within the guy..so naging "replacement" tuloy yung girl..or woman..or lady :) with whatever that's lacking in the guy..or man :)

yung "you make me wanna be a better man" naman, there is a realization of self na mas nakikilala mo ang sarili mo through that special someone..and things na akala mo hindi mo magagawa or akala mo dati na "hinding hindi mo talaga gagawin kahit ano mangyari"... nagagawa mo. because of thet special someone. hehe

of course these are only opinions and i agree with him!! tama nga siya!!:) the difference between lust and love? pag lust puwedeng pwede palitan..kapag wala na yung present..maghahanap ulit ng kapalit. parang fashion.. paulit-ulit at papalit-palit.. pero pag love siya na talaga!!:) as in kahit anu pa sabihin ng ibang tao wala ka nang pakialam..:)

parang food:) pag busog ka na, ayaw mo na kumain. kasi satisfied ka na eh. minsan nga may tira ka pa kahit konti nalang minsan nakakatamad ubusin..ito naman yung sa love..kahit busog ka na, sige pipilitin mo parin kumain..masuka-suka ka na kakain ka parin..hmm..malabo ba? nasira ata yung pagpapakalalim ko ah hahaha..

akala ko kasi dati ang corny naman nyan love? masasaktan ka lang..(nagpapakabato/stone ako) now i know:) bakit ko nasabi yun? eh kasi hindi ko pa alam dati..haha panu ko alam na masasaktan eh di ko pa naranasan yun dati..nakikita ko lang.. now i know:) now i know how it really feels:):):)

beer: dedicated nanaman to sayo!!! siyempre..kung hindi dahil sayo.. naging bato na talaga ako hahaha:) mwah!! :)

untitlted

2005-06-22T17:29:00.000+08:00
every wednesday is a "break" time for me..with only ONe class: Theo 131. :) these are my subjects this sem.. ;)

1.) Bi 143 Genetics and evolution :lecture and lab
- this is bOring...but since it's a science subject..medyo ok na rin to hehe

2.) Bi 132 Developmental Biology
- kinda exciting :) mostly because it talks about development, also HUMAN development :) (egg and sperm..etc.. got the idea? ;) ) but i browsed the book (excited kasi ako eh haha) , which by the way, costs P1,500!!! grabe :) anyway, i browsed the book and looked at the pictures...grabe kawawa mga maldeformed and infants na pinanganak na may abnormalities...take note: yung mga pictures dun talagang pictures :) hindi cartoons hehe kaya talagang totoo and yung iba nga nakakatakot eh..meron pa dun yung walang skull..walang case yung brain.. huhuhuh...:'(

3.) TH (Theology) 131 Marriage and Human Sexuality
- theo subjects are hard..hard work!! especially for the orals..but i find this TH 131 interesting..:) as given by the title, the class will also talk about issues such as abortion, morality, divorce, and other stuffs :) (sa group reporting) (parang syllabus ah :) )

4.) Hi (History) 165 Rizal and the emergence of the Filipino nation
- gr...i never liked History..NEVER!!! but maybe this time i will hahaha i got "Supremo" MANAOIS, the prof whose name has been echoed by students as the one who gives students "happy" grades:) he's also fun..parang puro joke time lang lahat ng mga sinasabi nya hehe but hopefully may matututunan ako sa kanya hahaha

5.) PH (Philosophy) 101 Philosophy of the human person I
- wow i like this subject:) philosophy!! "ang tao ay sumasapanahon"(nagpapakalalim lang haha:) ) it's a blessing!! ayoko kasi ng "luck" eh :) blessing nalang :) i got sir PASCO or "Iceman" as my prof. he looks like a band member, especially because of his long, curly hair na naka pony tail, parang rocker hehe :) but ok siya!! he's really funny!!:) especially para sa isang taong mababaw kagaya ko hehe :) lahat nalang ng mga joke niya natatawa ako :) but siyempre what makes a good prof. is that hindi lang nakakatawa, magaling pa magturo..so sana by the end of the sem i'll know a lot of things :) and become a dEEpEr person.. hehehe :)

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

2005-06-08T22:30:00.000+08:00
i stumbled upon this movie on HBO..the first scene showed jim carrey asleep on his bed. i've always wanted to see jim carrey do a serious role because i've never seen him act in a "serious" or "dramatic" movie. the next few scenes were all conversations between carrey("joel") and kate winslet ("clementine"). i switched channels back and forth, thinking that the film was boring (with all the conversatons). BUT i switched back to HBO for the sake of seeing carrey:) and by then they were showing the cast members which included elijah wood and kirsten dunst. i thought: "oohh..ok i'll watch :)"
Lacuna Inc. is a place where one can have troubling or sad or bad memories erased..the movie qoutes Alexander Pope, "Eloisa to Abelard":

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

click on this link for more details :)

(THIS one's dedicated to stan:) )
memories, either happy or not, hurtful or regretful, makes life "life". i am a very emotional person..memories, especially those that hurt and makes me regret the things i did, serve as reminders of the lessons i learned along the way.life IS unfair. wanna know the truth? life really IS UNFAIR. we experience pain, i for one has not yet experienced a "LOT of PAIN" (Death of a very loved one,...) but i pray that when those times come, GOD will give me the strength to overcome the pain and AGAIN SURRENDER to HIM...SURRENDER everything to HIM..

why am i even thinking of these things? REALITY CHECK: we die. no matter what we do, we die. someday, we WILL DIE.our loved ones will too. for some people, dying is a scary concept. for some, it is a "return home" and eternal "rest in peace" ("rest in peace" has been used for different occasionsand therefore has lost its original meaning- "rest": relax "in" "peace": tranquility)maybe we should change the phrase to "relax in tranquility" instead hahaha..:)oh, you know what i'll say next: "enjoy life to the fullest, give love, share it, enjoy, pray, bla bla bla"

what can i say?

just this: death is the beginning of life, for those who really BELIEVE.

(AGAIN: THIS one's dedicated to luvy duby, aka "plug", aka ryan atwood "local", you may be "local" but in my heart you're the one and only original!!! hahaha!!! :) )

2005-05-30T13:27:00.000+08:00
i lost my phone. oh not only that, but my whole BAG. small shoulder bag..there were two phones in the bag (one for sun: 3350 and one for globe:7210)..i lost it at timezone (of all places, this particular place i KNOW i should be more careful at) in gateway..i was so distracted.. and happy..that it slipped out of my mind..i was off-guard and after a few "seconds", my bag was gone.

it's traumatizing and frustrating, but looking on the bright side, at least nobody got hurt BUT..i can't sleep that night..its not the "material thing", but the "sentiment" it carried along with it. the bag was given to me by my cousin, who's about to graduate as a med student in UST..the keychain (butterfly) was given by mike
from his trip to laguna? (basta matagal na yun eh :) ) but i'm a very sentimental person..!!! the bag also contained a pink rubber ponytail that was supposed to be my remembrance of being with mia
on greenhills...that fucking "gang" got a lot out of my things, including a 500 peso bill, two phones, a 300 globe prepaid card, and a 300 SUN prepaid card (my God..ang bigat ng feeling!!!...) shit!!! sorry..
minsan lang ako magalit haha..shit!!!

i believe everything happens for a reason..and in this case, siyempre ang reason ay stupidity!!! but can you blame me? for being happy..?.. through all this..there are lessons learned, in addition to being more CAREFUL... dapat lalong mas careful pag "distracted".. haha i'm only leaving bits and clues to the real story..:) hehe..just have to let this "all" out..:)

anyway, what's the blessing in disguise? i'm not really sure, but i think that''s it....to be more careful during times of "distraction" and to be stronger? :) kasi nga ito phone lang parang ang tagal ko makarecover haha baka gumagawa lang ako ng sarili kong blessing para mas gumaan feeling ko..pero i think there's a more deeper lesson than just being "careful" .. in time that lesson be more clear to me...

and i should even be thankful that nobody got hurt..that even if i lost these things, i'm still more blessed than other people who have problems that far surpasses my own..sometimes it pays to be optimistic :) it's good for your health :) and heart and soul :) hehe in the end, i'm still happy..more happy :) why? 'coz i learned that you'll know how to be really happy only when you've experienced pain.. :) you'll know how to really smile only if you've experienced crying..you'll know how to really "love" only if you've learned how to go through all its risks, hardships, and sufferings..:)

UPDATES!!! :)

2005-05-26T01:23:00.000+08:00

im baaaack!!!!! :) wahahaha!!! after a hundred years...:) sorry sorry sorry!!! i haven't been able to update my blog due to the hassles and bustles of summer classes!!! gr...:)

first, i would like to update on my precious XENA :) it turned out that on the night of MAY 2, 2005, umiiyak siya!! tapus nag di-dig pa siya sa floor (sorry taglish na hahaha) so dinala namin siya sa emergency hospital :) tapus nalaman ng vet dun na special case daw ang nangyari kay XENA! :) so may 2 babies pa pala siya!! so sabi ng vet na manganganak daw si Xena!!! .....

then..come MAY 3, 2005 (mimi's Bday haha ) hm..at about 3 am..(tulog pa ako kasi may summer classes me eh haha) the first puppy came out! aaron (my younger brother) saw the puppy came out (binantayan niya si Xena the whole night, wow love talaga ng buong family namin si Xena haha). and then...at 5 am, i woke up. di ko kasi matiis na hindi makita si Xena and di mabantayan:) of course, i was overwhelmed !! :) Birthday ko pa nun!! tapus tska nanganak si Xena! wow...it's a blessing hahaha. after a while, i saw the 2nd puppy came out!!!! (sorry barok english haha) wow..grabe..:) parang ako yung nanganganak hahaha:).. ako yung taga-wipe ng "discharge" ni Xena (wag kayo madiri ganyan talaga haha:) ) and then, reluctantly, i have to rush off to school..:)

hay..sobra daming updates to come!! :)
wah!! di ko na mahanap yung dating font and color!! buhuhu!!

mommy xena..no more

2005-04-26T09:29:00.000+08:00
yesterday's a sad day for me...i was so excited to get home and see xena (my yellow labrador retriever)...everything was ready, her "whelping box" that's full of towels, the cottons, scissors, betadine..but then i found out (from our driver) that she had a miscarriage! (parang tao eh noh hehe:) ) when i got home, my parents had the "nerve" to joke me! they told me: "nanganak na si xena! ten puppies!" hmmmppp... >:( oh well..maybe its not meant to be.. (ang drama haha..) wanna know the reason why the puppoes didn't make it? well..it turned out that the vet told my dad months ago that xena should be caged and of course, closely monitored. labs are very fun-loving, and they like to play a lot!:) not to mention EAT a lot! (it's their hobby:) ) my dad didn't tell us, so xena, the whole time she was pregnant, went up and down the stairs...it wouldn't have mattered if he told us anyway..we could not bear to see xena caged, even if its for the puppies..xena's never been caged before (except during her baths when she's drying herself) ok tama na nag update na nga ako puro kay xena naman haha :) : this proves how MUCH we love xena:)

2005-02-09T17:08:00.000+08:00
it's been a while since i've updated my blog (except for the lyrics hehe) i've decided not to be a surgeon (my dream supposedly) for reasons i will not state here (then what's the use of blogging?) haha..

..the hEArt uses rEAson that rEAson does not understand.. :)

i'll say nothing more. :)

YOU'll be safe here

2005-02-05T13:14:00.000+08:00
Nobody knows
Just why we're here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

Chorus:

Close your eyes
Dry your tears
'Coz when nothing seems clear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

Chorus:

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything's unclear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You'll be safe here

When no one understands
I'll believe
You'll be safe,
You'll be safe
You'll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You'll be safe here

ganda ng song na to..especially the lyrics..:) la lang can't say anything else :) just plain happy:)

the space between what's more to life and sacrifice, with arms wide open

2005-01-25T17:06:00.000+08:00
Hello my friend, we meet again
It's been awhile, where should we begin?

..There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more..

The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time..

I just want to say hello again..Feels like forever..
'cause when you are with me I'm free
I'm careless, I believe..

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open..

Story of the Year :):):)

2005-01-13T21:56:00.000+08:00
Sidewalks

The bridge is all crumbled.
The water soaks into rocks
that fell at the bottom of the road (At the end of the town.)
The town that we lived in.
The memories shaken apart from the weeds that grow

Over the sidewalks,
Running away from the streets we knew,
Sidewalks,
Like the time we thought was made for you.
Or

Out on the front porch,
watching the cars as they go by
(Eighteen blue, twenty one grey)
Looking ahead for the first time that we could drive,
Out on our own,
To speed away

From the sidewalks,
Running away from the streets we knew,
Sidewalks,
Like the time we thought was made for you.
Or

All of the days have passed us by,
All of the sun is gone... away.

Sidewalks,
Running away from the streets we knew,

Sidewalks,
Running away from the streets we knew,
Sidewalks,
Like the time we thought was made for you.
(Sidewalks)
The bridges are crumpled,
(Sidewalks)
The water soaks into rocks,
That fell at the bottom of the road...

blessing in disguise

2005-01-01T16:34:00.000+08:00
the tsunami incident.

it's so sad that while we are celebrating the new year, people from different parts of the world are suffering for the loss of their loved ones. still what can we do but to pray for them and help in little ways we can. still, prayers can go a long way.

as long as we keep the FAITH and hold true to God's plan, we'll be back on track- obviously more easier said than done.

..it only took a minute of my time to remember and reflect about this, then i'll go on with typing strands of my life, as most of us will..

yesterday I(with my family) went to Cubao to celebrate the new year. All of our relatives go there to see how my amma and angkong are doing. you see, my angkong suffered a stroke for quite a long time now, and he has not been able to walk since then. he has lost his energy and his kid-like kakulitan. i remember so well when he would always make fun of everybody, especially me and my cousins. he would tell me "mimi bulok" or "mimi tapon na" hehe :) he was always healthy and strong, but things does happen. and it did.

He's still alive Thank God and only then did i realize how blessed i must have been to belong to such a wonderful family as mine. All of the parents helped each other in paying the hospital bills, buying medications, etc. of course, its their responsibility but what is essential is that you can see that they are helping each other. some misunderstandings and bad things happened along the way, but some good things also resurfaced. take, for instance, what happened between my parents and my sa-kim and sa-ku. (third uncle and aunt, mother side). i don't exactly know the details of why they don't talk to each other ever since i was 8 or ten ata..some kind of fight or something..it's not important to know anyway. what's important is that after my angkong got sick, they somehow forgot about the past and everything went well :) i also discovered that mamsy (my mother :) ) and sa-kim were close friends for a long time, even before my mother got married to my dad :) they would now talk and laugh as if nothing happened. what's more appealing is that when they talk, they talk like old friends and they really laugh hard. as in "halakhak" talaga haha :)

as long as we keep the FAITH and hold true to God's plan, we'll be back on track- yes, this obviously is more easier said than done. but what happened to my family is enough for me to say that things does happen for the best. :)

God works in mysterious ways, and most often than not, we question them. maybe it would be better for us to stay quiet and just believe in Him, and believe that what may seem bad and full of suffering will actually be a blessing in disguise :)

from "The Little Prince" :

2005-01-01T15:12:00.000+08:00
"...flowers are weak creatures. They are naive. They reassure themselves as best they can. They believe that their thorns are terrible weapons...if some one loves a flower, of which just one single blossom grows in all the millions and millions of stars, it is enough to make him happy just to look at the stars...

"who are you?" the little prince demanded, thunderstruck.
"we are roses," the roses said.

And he was overcome with sadness. His flower had told him that she was the only one of her kind in all the universe. And here were five thousnd of them, all alike, in one single garden!...: "I thought that i was rich, with a flower that was unique in all the world; and all i had was a common rose...that doesn't make me a very great prince..."

It was then that the fox appeared.

"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "i am so unhappy."
"i cannot play with you," the fox said. "i am not tamed."

"What does that mean-'tame'?," said the little prince.

"it is an act too often neglected..one only understands the thing that one tames..you must be very patient..words are the source of misunderstandings. but you will sit a little closer to me, everyday...," said the fox.

So the little prince tamed the fox.

And when the hour of departure drew near-
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you..."
"yes, that is so," said the fox.
"but now you are goping to cry! then it has done you no good at all!" said the little prince.
"it has done me good," said the fox, And then he added: "Go and look again at the roses. you will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. then come back and say goodbye to me, and i will make you a present of a secret."

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.

"you are not at all like my rose," he said. " As yet you are nothing. no one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. you are like my fox when i first knew him. he was only a fox like a hundred other foxes. but i have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world...One could not die for you...an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you- the rose that belongs to me. but in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that i have watered...
it is she that i have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing...
Because she is my rose."

And he went back to meet the fox.
"Goodbye," he said.
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret:

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what
is essential is invisible to the eye

...it is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important...you become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."

...One runs the risk of weeping a little, if one lets himself be tamed...:)

!!!Happy new year!!! God Bless to everyone!!! :):):)

"At a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie."
- The Alchemist

one and only

2004-12-23T22:46:00.000+08:00
Artist: Parokya ni Edgar

it took one look
and forever layout in front of me
one smile then i died,
only to be revived by you

there i was
thought i had everything figured out
goes to show how much i know
about the way life plays out

i take one step away
and i find my self coming back to you
my one and only
one and only you..

now i know that i know not a thing at all
except the fact that i am yours
and that you are mine
oh, if you told me that this wouldn't be easy
and though i'm not one to complain

i take one step away
and i find my self coming back to you
my one and only, one and only

i take one step away
and i find my self coming back to you
my one and only
one and only you..

awwww....ganda talaga ng song na to!!!!!!! :) this is a bonus track on their bigotilyo album :) awww...so touching and damn heart melting!!!!

choalites

2004-12-23T22:35:00.001+08:00
THANK YOU.

only one

2004-12-20T21:35:00.000+08:00
Artist: Yellow Card
Album: Ocean Avenue (2003)
Lyrics: Only One

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

The Space Between

2004-12-20T11:33:00.000+08:00
- Dave Matthews Band

You cannot quit me so quickly
Is no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love
The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain

But will I hold you again?
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted game we play

We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain

Will I hold you again?
Will I hold...

Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down

The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get tickled
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain

Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here
The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between...

Coldplay

2004-12-15T21:21:00.000+08:00
:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles
Coming in tales
Heads are a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing tails
And coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start..

Blue and Yellow

2004-12-15T21:02:00.000+08:00
Artist: The Used

Blue and Yellow

and it's all in how you mix the two
and it starts just where the light exists
it's a feeling that you cannot miss
and it burns a hole
through everyone that feels it

well you're never gonna find it
if you're looking for it
won't come your way
well you'll never find it
if you're looking for it

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

and you never would have thought in the end
how amazing it feels just to live again
it's a feeling that you cannot miss
it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

should've said something but I've said it enough
by the way my words were faded
rather waste some time with you

* Songs give different interpretations according to what it may mean to you or what you want it to be :) Again, i love songs :) especially songs like these :)

Christmas is fast approaching!!! :)

2004-12-15T20:23:00.002+08:00
2005. wonder where i could be several years from now. just wondering..hay..the other night i was so tired that i slept almost immediately (usually it takes me about 30 minutes in bed before i can sleep). anyway, i had a good night's sleep :) can't wait for PE (basketball) next year! it's really fun!!! enjoy siya :) that's my consolation for boring subjects such as SA (Sociology and Anthropology) and Eco(Economics) every tuesdays and thursdays. Not to mention an episode of the Oc for tuesdays :) ewan ko i just like seeing ryan on tv there's just something about him, i don't really know what it is..whatever it is..it makes me happy haha :) MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! :)

I'll bleed for you/like a new tattoo/in my heart/you'll stay/permanent...

2004-12-04T20:56:00.000+08:00
Urbandub
By : Butch Reyes
Source : sunstar Cebu, flip section, Sunday, September 15, 2002

" Dub (very transitive) to add sound effects or music; to transfer (recorded music, etc.) to a new disc or tape; to combine so as to make one record (music, etc. from more than one source, e.g. a live performance and a recording).

Urbandub (band, Cebuano) to tap into the emotional tensions and turmoil that wrack the soul and write songs that are melodic, full of rhythm; to create compelling music that evokes emotional release (e.g. "Come", "Would You Go", "Eating Me").

The one thing that really defines Urbandub's music is in its intrinsic originality, spawned from combining the music of four different individuals into one groove, one sound. Striking out from each other's beaten paths, Jai, John, Lalay and frontman Gabby created a sound that is both dynamic and original. Urbandub is known for their brooding yet melodic songs. They have the disctinciton of being one of the few bands from SMB Cebu Music Awards 2001 era who were able to launch an indie album. Urbandub's indie album is called "Birth".

In fact, their music has been lauded and much praised, winning them the coveted Best New Artist of the SMB Cebu Music Awards 2001. Two of their singles, "Eating Me" and "Would You Go" was included in a local radio station - Cebu's "Top 107 Songs of the Year 2001" (mix of local bands, national bands, and international acts) earning #20 and #34 respectively. Another single "Come" is enjoying a spot in Manila's radio station regular playlist. Its video is also being regularly aired over the station's TV broadcast.

Urbandub's achievements in the local music scene are, indeed, no small feat. But horizons for their music are boundless. The band hopes to bring their music to a wider audience, without sacrificing the integrity of their music. "If you want to make your own music, go ahead. Just don't make too many compromises"- Urbandub. "

:)
urbandub. i've loved alternative music ever since..the likes of the creed, the dave matthews band, the calling, hoobastank(the earlier hoobastank: running away, crawling in the dark), and many others. i don't know all their songs, but i love their style of music.

back to urbandub. i never knew such music existed. they dEfine my type of music..they dEfiNe my music!!! and they're from CEBU!!! perfectly OPM. what can i say??? they're perfectly original, with outstanding vocals and experimental guitars that got me hooked up all over!!! and to think i mistook them as a foreign band when i first heard their song (from mia: who, by the way, was so kind to give me her copy of the cd hehehe..tnx:)).

i'm not sure if they're alternative or rock, maybe in between, but who cares?? i love them anyway. :) guys out there you may want to buy their cd..its really great. :)

urbandub: you may say they're a touch of incubus together with guitars of alternative bands all over, and the sense of OPM..but still they're not.

one thing's for sure: they're downright ORIGINAL.
for proof, listen to their songs. :)

here's one...

ARTIST: urbandub
SONG: A new tattoo
ALBUM: Influence [2003]

Great moments they pass by
If you're careless
Desperately trying to speak the words
I've been wanting to say for a long time.
Tongue tied, every time I try to talk to you
In time, I'll find the right line.

Caught a glimpse of you
I tremble every time you walk by
Hopelessly trying to find a way
To be near you, to get near you.
In my mind, plays thoughts of you all the time
I'll find the right line...

I'll bleed for you
Like a new tattoo in my heart
You'll stay permanent...

Am I too late now?
Will I find a way to get to you somehow?
...

...i love music :)

cure for the common cold

2004-11-11T09:23:00.000+08:00
i don't feel so well..i feel sick..in fact, i am sick. i am so fit to be a med student haha. right now my goal is to equip myself with a healthy body necessary to be a med student and more...

1. Eat lots of healthy food! (be thankful for the blessing of your status in life)
2. Get enough rest (never neglect the capacity of your body to break down)
3. Time management!!! (there is a time for everything, if you only know how to use time efficiently)

Exception: Never miss an episode of the OC (OC meaning Orange County: every tues 9pm at ETC with replays on sun at 7pm). Remember: it acts as an additional boost to your body's immune system.

cold naked nights

2004-11-02T19:18:00.000+08:00
tomorrow's the start of the second sem..and the start of my new life in school. if you and ME can believe that! haha of course! it's to be believed!!! by the way i was not left home alone last Saturday..my dad could not BEAR to leave me alone..haha so they waited for me and we left on Sunday morning instead :)

..the air was fresh and pure..you can even smell the essence of the trees..nature is good..if you have someone to share it with! unfortunately i was the only girl back there, excluding my mother and my aunt. but it's okay i lived to tell it anyway.

..that night i stared at the /bright/ full moon and the twinkling /stars/ and let the cool breeze (courtesy of the novels i've read) caress my face and...it felt really good. it's kind of a sensual feeling. yeah. that's how i felt. about nature. :)

coming soon: home alone

2004-10-27T18:52:00.000+08:00
whew...!!! got my "stitches" removed this morning... humanda kayo mga pagkain!!! food..lots and lots of it..here i come!!! gotta have control hehe..

this saturday my family's planning to go to tagaytay/cavite and spend the night there until monday morning. i've waited how many months?? to go there..i missed that place.. away from the city. surrounded by trees and greeted by the warm sun ang chirping of the birds first thing in the morning (not that you don't hear birds chirp in the city, its just more serene out there..) i also miss "popeye" and "ossama" haha pardon their names, my dad seemed really excited thinking about their names.

BUT. Annalyn's going to celebrate her 18th birthday That Same Day. dinner. oh noo....If i go with my family, i can't go to her dinner. If i go to her dinner, i can't go with my family. sounds simple. after dinner, i'll spend the night all alone, eat breakfast, lunch , and dinner all Alone. (excluding XENA hehe)

oh well, at least i got XENA. eventhough she only comes to me for FOOD. she's such a bitch. but i love her anyway. :) next time i'm getting a dog, i'm going to take good care of her by MYself, mostly by MYself anyway. that way loyalty will be addressed to me and only me!!!

Story of the Year

2004-10-25T15:43:00.000+08:00
"Until The Day I Die"

Until the day I die
I'll spill my heart for you, for you
Until the day I die
I'll spill my heart for you

As years go by
I race the clock with you
But if you died right now
You know that I'd die to
I'd die too

You remind me of the times
When I knew who I was (I was)
But still the second hand will catch us
Like it always does

We'll make the same mistakes
I'll take the fall for you
I hope you need this now
Cause I know I still do

Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you

Should I bite my tongue?
Until blood soaks my shirt
We'll never fall apart
Tell me why this hurts so much

My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
But still we'll say, "remember when"
Just like we always do
Just like we always do

Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you

Yeah I'd spill my heart!!!
Yeah I'd spill my heart for you!!!

My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Mistakes like friends do

My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Made the same mistakes

Until the day I die
I'll spill my heart for you, for you

Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you, for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
Until the day I die!!!

awww....

2004-10-24T16:54:00.000+08:00
last friday (October 22,2004), i went to the dentist to have my "wisdom teeth surgery". He (Joseph Macasiray, D.M.D.: 012 Herrera Tower, 98 V.A. Rufino corner Valero Sts. Ayala Ave., North Makati City) was very good at doing his stuff. he finished pulling out my lower left wisdom tooth in about ten minutes, but had a hard time on my lower right teeth, on which he finished in about fifteen minutes. still fast. all throughout the surgery he told me what he was going to do, what i will feel, and what i will hear. he kept me so relaxed i would have slept, if not for my right tooth's disobedience. after the surgery i have eaten only am be (congee/lugao) and ice cream..now i know how it feels..how it feels so good to eat!!! when the wound is healed i will really eat a lot..and savor the flavor of every little bit, every little bite...hehe

after eating my am be i turned around to leave the table when a bouquet of pink roses greeted me. i was surprised. it never occurred to me that someone would give flowers at that time and day. and to whom?? the card said: "Get well soon! from: choalites" awww... thank's guys..the wound was still bleeding back then, but the moment i read the card the blood seemed to have stopped gushing out. haha. really. thank you talaga!!! naalala niyo pa ako.. thank you thank you thank you...from the fibrous valves and deepest ventricles of my heart. hehe :)

2004-10-19T22:03:00.000+08:00
i re-read The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho and i just can't help but share these statements with you..

"..At that moment, it seemed that time stood still, and the Soul of the World surged within him. When he looked into her dark eyes,and saw that her lips were poised between a laugh and silence, he learned the most important part of the language that all the world spoke- tha language that everyone on earth was capable of understanding in their heart.

It was love. Something older than humanity, more ancient than the desert. Something that exerted the same force whenever two pairs of eyes met, as had theirs here at the well. She smiled, and that was certainly an omen- the omen he had been awaiting, without even knowing he was, for all his life. The omen he had sought to find with his sheep and in his books, in the crystals and in the silence of the desert."

"It was the pure Language of the World. It required no explanation, just as the universe needs none as it travels through endless time. What the boy felt at that moment was that he was in the presence of the only woman in his life, and that, with no need for words, she recognized the same thing. He was more certain of it than of anything in the world. He had been told by his parents and grandparents that he must fall in love and really know a person before becoming committed.

But maybe people who felt that way had never learned the universal language. Because, when you know that language, it's easy to understand that someone in the world awaits you, whether its in the middle of the desert or in some great city. And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant.

There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only.It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without love, one's dreams would have no meaning."

hahaha hopeless romantic that i am, this one made my heart smile..longer than the usual, but certainly not the longest... (with three meaningful dots...)

choalites...

2004-10-19T18:22:00.000+08:00
choalites,

...i feel sad..and disappointed..why do people have to suffer? to make them stronger. what is the meaning of a FRIEND?? someone who UNDERSTANDS, someone who LISTENS, someone who TRUSTS, take note, no DOUBTS, no FEARS. REAL FRIENDS are hard to find. i do hope what we have will not break away so easily..

ang gusto ko lang naman and ang gusto lang naman nating lahat ( i hope) is to enjoy and treasure friendship as a GROUP of friends.

i cannot NOT write this...true friendship trusts and does not DOUBT....just as true lOvE TRUSTS and does not DOUBT.

yun lang.

in the end, sana lang patutunayan natin sa sarili natin na meron pa palang natitirang true FRIENDS, and tayo yun.

floating!!!

2004-10-17T11:45:00.000+08:00
last night was the first time i ever felt tipsy.. and it was great! i could have drank more if jo didn't told us that we're going home.. i wanted to drink more..a little more and who knows what i could have felt. i even texted neri to tell her how great the feeling was..she called me pero nababa ko. i was still in the car, so talagang hilo pa ako nun. then mike called me a few minutes later.

Last night i didn't get a good night's sleep. of course i wouldn't
but iba talaga yung feeling. di pa nga ako nalalasing eh haha just now i wrote a poem, i just felt like writing one after last night. (Flashback: libis with neri, lionel, and anna: i want to know up to where my limits will be, but i wouldn't risk it if i'm with people i don't fully trust. so if ever i want to do something that will, in a way, test my limits, with you, that only means one thing: i trust you. so don't you dare break that trust, or its going to be death(for you) to make me trust you again.

2004-10-15T14:28:00.000+08:00
its finally over..it's another start of another life..whew..i'm still tired from the lack of sleep. On top of it all, i didn't get to finish our project. I was supposed to mail it to mia (i was asking for help) but the mail was not working!!! so i typed all i can. i typed the time away. it's so frustrating. well, you can't keep bad things from happening. after all, its over. i do hope mr. cruz will consider our hard work.he should.

anyway, i still feel tired. later we're going to carlo's house for dinner and tomorrow i'm going to roxas boulevard to celebrate ge's 18th birthday.!!! happy happy 18th birthday ge!!! mizyah!:)

2004-10-09T23:17:00.001+08:00
DAMN!!! i'm so stressed right now...!!!

things to do...

1. evolutionary prognosis (complete with drawing: colored!!, scientific and common name of my creature, cladogram, and descriptions...)
2. study for botany finals
3. study for comparative anatomy finals
4. finish our project: my part: muscular system of gargoyles (complete with origin insertion and dissection...)
5. do my stat long homework/?!! (the hell with this!!)

* # 1, 2, 3,and 5 have to be finished by sunday night *
* # 1, 2, 3,and 5: for monday *
* preferably, # 4 should also be done by sunday night *

5. study for chem finals: comprehensive!!! (for tues)
6. study for theo finals: comprehensive!!! (for wed)
7. for thurs: submit group proj for stat and comparative anatomy lab

* i can barely wait..freedom is on the edge...
* freedom is nearing....

8. fri.... freedom at last....!!! (*with arms wide open*)

* fri nyt: carlo's bday celeb..! *

9. sat....its time to party!!!!

* ge's debut/party..:)! *

10. sun... "it's a happy day! and i thank God for the weather..."

* i have not yet started doing #1 downwards.. i'll start tomorrow...my mind is so stressed right now (as if it won't be tomorrow)

*(my next post will be after finals...count on it!)*

* oh, one more thing... ang sarap ng feeling ng earthquake last night..(of course pag malakas ayoko na) i mean its only the 2nd time i've felt it the first was when i was sleeping so i didn't felt it that much..

* thinking of someone right now...wonder who could it be??*
* goodnight world!!! tomorrow my hell begins...*

Mimi, I Dare You To Move

2004-10-03T18:00:00.001+08:00

Dare You To Move

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everyone's watching you now
Everyone waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

iris - goo goo dolls

2004-09-19T11:08:00.000+08:00

IRIS

Well i'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am.

not perfect, but real.

2004-09-19T10:36:00.000+08:00
i'm finally over it! after last night...i think i'm not haunted anymore...and that's a great sign :) i'm happy for that..for them..i do hope its not yet too late for me. i don't want to be alone my whole life! haha ;)

Am i real?
Do the words I speak before you
Make you feel
That the love I have for you
Will see no ending?

Well, if you look into my eyes
Then you should know
That you have nothing here to doubt
Nothing to fear
And you can lay your questions down
'Cause if you'll hold me
We can fade into the night
And you'll know

The world could die
And everything may lie
Still you shouldn't cry
'Cause time may pass
But longer than it'll last
I'll be by your side

Take my hand
And gently close your eyes
So you could understand
That there's no greater love tonight
Than what I've for you
Well, if you feel the same way for me
Then let go

We can journey to a garden no one knows
Life is short, my darling
Tell me that you love me

So we can fade into the night
And you'll know
The world could die
And everything may lie
But you won't cry
'Cause time may pass
And everything won't last
But I'll be by your side
Forever by your side
So you won't cry
i love this song!

nakipagaway pa ko dati rivermaya pala talaga yung original na kumanta nito..hehe
i don't know what's going to happen, i just go along with life. maybe i'm just afraid of being wasted. i can't seem to get things right..either its lacking or its over-done. maybe that's what keeps me from doing things i want to do. maybe i have to stOp paying so much attention to myself and try to look around me..see if there's something i've taken for granted. that way, i won't ever have to feel "regret" in such a way that i'm haunted by it. what's more important is that i've gotten over it. i still feel that i've lost a big part of myself...well, things do happen. but one thing's for sure. if i haven't lost that big part of myself i would still be struggling in the darkness. i have to admit i'm really thankful i've got to share that...he helped me and that's it. maybe that's the reason why God made us meet and then all of a sudden, made us part ways, live different lives. maybe that's it! yeah. that's it! i'm finally at peace. i'm so happy :)

letters in pink

2004-09-03T22:08:00.000+08:00
as night nears by i encountered some letters i never thought existed. as i read through them, i felt something i've never felt before, something i've never allowed myself to feel. but i felt it, and it was so real. words can decieve...words that may be meaningful once becomes hollow...back then it could have been real, but when neglected becomes just a memory...a memory not meant to bring joy, but regret...

how pathetic. i'm honest to myself.

you're haunting me...

2004-08-30T20:50:00.000+08:00
someone told me college life is way much better than high school..for that someone it may be true..it depends on one's own experiences...in college you learn a lot. in college, you got to appreciate some things you once thought useless..maybe it's not "college" itself, but "time"..some say time heals...but for me, time changes. it changed me, for instance. some things i once thought to be useless...i just got to appreciate..but it's too late.

two words: "what if?"

it's haunting..but i don't want to be haunted..i hate it..i hate the feeling...can time make me forget? i do hope so... i've got to have patience...

guitars and conversations...

2004-08-29T12:39:00.001+08:00
i haven't been updating...obviously...i don't know what to write..nothing much happened..except for the usual..i studied, studied, and studied!! first thing in the morning: do my botany paper(not that i'm complaining, it's not hard work actually..i learned a lot about my topic: chili :) ) then come lunch: eat. then again study study study! i hate it!...the feeling of wanting to touch my guitar..but..the forces of studying seems to have the greater power and pulls me away from my one and only love...oh,yeah. i haven't told you about my love haven't i? we met at sm..there he was on one corner..there were others to choose from...there was one i was dying to buy (he was in color blue, my favorite) heaven knows why i did not choose that one. instead i chose the one that's just simple..("di pa naman ako marunong eh kung marunong na ako tsaka ko nalang siya papalitan", i thought)

little did i know that i came to love that particular guitar..(ok not yet but i believe the time will come, when sem break comes and i'll have all the time to spend with him..:) ) why did i call him a "he"? i don't know, i've loved guitars ever since. i fell in love with drums at first sight but i realized that without the other instruments, drums will not sound as good as it should. unlike guitar, it can't stand on its own. at least, that's what i think..we all have different views anyway..

that's the story of my first ever guitar. i'm so sorry i haven't written it here earlier. i would have loved to..but sometimes the computer shuts down on me, other times my brother owns the computer (can't argue with him, i'm the eldest) that's why i want to have my very own laptop. i could bring it with me whenever and where ever i like, and connect to the internet in a flash!! (slower than a flash, i can't find the right term hehe) if only i have a laptop. as of now, i have to bear with this worn-out computer of ours. at least i have my guitar!! :) that alone is enough for me...and you of course an added bonus to this life of mine...a personal diary is not fit to be with me because it's so tiring to write, manually and literally, that is. :)

2004-08-29T12:39:00.000+08:00

xena :)

2004-08-24T14:59:00.000+08:00

it's been a long time since i've visited my blog..haha i don't feel happy with my grades right now..i want his sem to end already!!!! i have to change my attitude- if i don't like the subject, i won't study, but i have to pass, so i'll study only to pass, not to attain high grades. next sem i have to really push myself to study hard!! (parang last sem ko pa sinasabi yan ah hehe :) )

i really hate tuesdays and thursdays. i hate waking up early. i hate stat. i hate.. cockroaches. i love my dog. hehe!! bangag nako!! pero really, i love my dog. dogs are a must-have, hmm wrong term. dogs are great nalang hehe. they're not just "dogs" or "pets". they seem to know if you have something on your mind..and they're just there..they're silent but they listen to you. when i have a bad day, one look at her(xena) and one hug i feel ok again. it's funny that dogs are more listeners than some people i know, maybe than some people out there...it's funny, but it's true..if you think about it.

a letter to Him..

2004-08-13T22:52:00.000+08:00

Lord God, hi. it's been a long time since i last spoke to You earnestly. hah, i pray to You only if i have problems, whether it concerns school or family or other things, but i just realized..mostly it was about me. it all came down to me. i was always praying for myself. i also pray for others, but they're just words..hollow words? i don't really know. maybe it's just that i'm busy, or i'm tired..that i don't have the strength(physically and spiritually) to get to know You more.. i know that in many ways i don't seem to understand and appreciate the things You do for me. although i know they're for my own good, i don't mind them much. but i want You to know (even if you already know what's in my heart) that everytime i tell You all my problems i feel better. there are just some things that i can't tell to others..and those are the things that i tell You, for i know that You will always listen and comfort me.

Please forgive me if i have caused You pain(i know i did, many times.) i have not been an obedient "servant". i have not been an obedient "child". things take up most, if not all, of my time. and before i go to sleep that's the only time when i get to speak to You. it makes me guilty inside. it really does. my heart longs for You, yet the things of this world seem to take up what's supposed to be the "place for You" in me. You know everything. as in everything.

All my happiness, fear, and darkest secrets..that's why i hide nothing from You. hay, sobrang thankful lang talaga ako sa Inyo kasi kahit na ang dami kong nagawang kasalanan andiyan parin Kayo. Please teach me to be unselfish, remind me that "it's not about me.."
that reminds me of the song..
It's all about You...Jesus...
And all this is for You,
For Your glory and your fame,
It's not about me,
As if You should do things my way,
You alone are God
And i surrender, to Your ways.
- "Jesus, lover of my soul"

hay, thank You na may mga songs..hehe..:) yun lang...thank You sa lahat lahat. i LOVE You with all that i am.oh, and also patawad ah..though oftentimes i may not realize that i've hurt You or that i've done something not pleasing to You..thank You.
-mimi

for the love of them :)

2004-08-13T22:34:00.000+08:00
today my mom went with me to greenhills for a haircut..and guess what happened?? she made me agree to "more" than just a haircut..hehe.. when we got home tinarayan ko siya(i'm a bad daughter i know), but i'm also thankful..how many mothers in the world would take time to be with their daughter for a haircut? and be excited about it? it may be small things, but small things also mean a lot. and i'm happy to have someone like her :) (awww..too bad she won't get to read this..but i'm someone who doesn't like to show my feelings..outwardly, that is.) :) i'm so blessed to have a mother like her and a father like my dad..they're the best :) [i didn't elaborate about my dad because..well..he's "grouchy" haha but he's also kind..at times..his voice always seems to be in an "angry" tone, but i guess that's just the way he is..and i love him for who he is :)] i love them both :)

bad days!!

2004-08-03T18:14:00.000+08:00
i hate tuesdays and thursdays!!! i have to wake up at 6 in the morning(that's very early for me) so that i can be at school at exactly 730 (in time for my first class). last night i "tried" reading the muscular system of Kardong but i got so sleepy (see, it's not that depressing..i guess) that i finally went to sleep at 11..

the next day, i woke up feeling tired with an upset stomach. i think i've eaten something na di ako natunawan. of course, i have no choice but to go on with my daily routine and go to school. i wish i changed my mind. my eyes only got "scorched" by the formalin and i barely ate lunch ( for someone who eats slow as me, 30 minutes- my only break the whole day- is not enough for lunch) i pushed myself through Botany and Biostatistics class and survived the day. next time i don't feel well, i won't push myself to do something i don't want to: meaning i won't go to school, except if there's an exam.

oh, one more thing. at first, i was so excited at the thought of dissecting cats. now, i am way far out from being excited. BUT i am still determined to go to med school and become a doctor (at least diba..it's the only thing that keeps me going through all these plant: it's enought to just appreciate plants please!! and animal subjects!! :) )

wala lang..

2004-07-30T10:11:00.000+08:00
days pass by quickly. some have been memorable, regretful, stupid, happy..but, as the Bible said "focus not on the past but look ahead to the future" :).. yesterday night we (neri and company:))went to megamall. we watched "along came polly", one of those "feel-good" movies that you know seldom, if not, never happen to real life (do i sense a feeling of hatred here?? No, of course not! ) anyway, after the movie(it was freezing in there!!) we went for a group pic..

what i want to say is i'm really happy that although i shifted to another course, they're still there. we have diferent skeds and i don't get to see them much anymore, just once in a while(when i hear the sounds of "meow".. tingnan nyo..kahit na ginaganyan nyo ko luv ko parin kayo hehe) hay!! tama na nga yung drama.. basta i'm so thankful to have you guys :)

2004-07-21T21:41:00.000+08:00
Hoobastank's coming to manila!!! on Aug.17 at the folk arts theatre. tickets priced at 1450, 1200, 750, 300..haha.. (kaye magpaalam kana pls!!!! :) ) Aug. 17's a tuesday..even so, i HAVE to watch them. i just have to!!! i love their songs!! especially their lyrics (note: the reason) (kaye sige ka...hehe). one of their songs (running away) brought back "haunting??!!" memories i try to forget but i just can't seem to. tonight i listened to that song for about 3-5 times over and over again. i listened "attentively" to the lyrics (i can't believe i did that!) i can't really explain what i feel. i don't know if i felt affected or not, if i should just laugh about it or if i should have taken it seriously. anyway, you sure don't know what the heck i'm talking about hehe...

Bottom Line: HOOBASTANK ROCKS!!!

(i love blogs!!! i'm supposed to study for my stat exam tomorrow but...i can't resist letting my feelings all out!!! once i finished writing them all down, i feel "fine" again, for the time being that is..and you just have to Let It Allllllll Outtttttttttt!!!!!!! before the feeling goes away and...(okay the feeling's gone). haha !!! YEEEAAAHHH!!!!!!! i can finally sleep peacefully tonight.........!!!!

missing someone...

2004-07-15T15:39:00.000+08:00
yeah! i finally survived compa ana (comparative anatomy: just the mere mention of it makes me shiver..). Correction: i finally survived the first part of compa ana..and i don't even know if i passed the exam. i don't think i will hehe i'd be really surprised if i did! i'm just glad the first part is over..i don't even want to talk about it..(then why am i writing it here??)

anyway, i really miss my blockmates..i know i don't hang out much with them anymore because of the schedule..and if ever there was time(like last friday when they watched Kill Bill2 huhuhu...) tough luck for me!! we had an exam and i had to study during my 3-HR BREAK, just what i wanted! it was really great BELIEVE ME! not eating lunch and all..(arrgh!! i hate that phrase: "and all.." of course only i know why hehehe)..why am i going back to the exam part???!!

i miss the times we had overnights for exams(uggh!! there's that word again!!) and those times we were together during breaks..i do like being with my new found friends(also shiftees to BIO), it's just that.. my blockmates were more than just a "block". i CAN and WILL say that they're "TRUE Friends", friends you'll seldom meet in college...for me, they understand and accept WHO i really AM, ( as Neri said, i am "in between" Wild and innocent haha!)and honestly, i'm still searching for the REAL me..that's why di ko pa sinusulat ung info about myself, char hehe :) )

hay..basta i really miss them... neri even gave me a copy of their sched so that i could "track" them hehe..am i so caught up with my studies that i don't even have time for them? and also for my family?? not to mention church?? someone said that we pre-med students should also be managers.. managers of time..hehe from now on, i'll make it an EXTRA effort to have time for everything(as much as i can), especially for God(naks! no, really, i will)

life...

2004-07-10T11:22:00.001+08:00
today has been a very fulfilling day. we (w/groupmates from theology class) just came from visiting a "home for the aged" organization in Marikina. the place was big, with gardens and rooms, and even an extra space for an extension building(like a hospital maybe)the people were very welcoming(if you want to criticize my english, go ahead, i don't care haha). in fact, they were happy to see us. anyway, we went there for our theo project. we're supposed to be "immersed" in an organization to "feel" what it's like and to know, through the long run, what kind of SPIRITUALITY they impart to the people who work there...and those kinds of stuff...

the problem is, i am an EMOTIONAL person, especially when it comes to things like that (outreach and missions). i feel sorry for those people..especiallt the patients(home for the aged)..not because most of them were totally disabled, but beacause of the fact that they were ABANDONED by their "FAMILY"(if they can still be called "FAMILY"). maybe i shouldn't judge them, i don't know anything about them anyway. i have a "life" with a loving family(as i can see).maybe life just sucks..for most people(i can't say i'm one of them..but i do feel "down" sometimes..i'm only human)..is that enough a reason for them to abandon someone? sopmeone who worked hard to supply their needs? someone who, at an old age, NEEDS and DESERVES their attention, love, supprt, and care?

there. i've said what i wanted to say. i know that i'm only a student and that i don't have any experience whatsoever of how hard life is...it's just that...i admire those people who, in the midst of crisis and poverty and problems...do not DARE leave their "FAMILY". most of all, i admire those people who are willing to sacrifice their time and strength to help these people..not only those who are abandoned, but also those who are in need of "LOVE" and "CARE" (these words are so "gasgas na" that they have eventually lost their REAL meaning)

i'm happy that i have been given this chance to experience being with them( we'll be going there for the whole sem)and to donate (medical supplies..needs..food...). a part of me is fulfilled, but there is still a part of me that cries out and tells me that, "that's all i can do..take whatever opportunity that comes and just PRAY for those people.." when i become a doctor(hopefully :) )and as i grow older hopefully i'll get to understand more..

finally!!!

2004-07-09T17:06:00.000+08:00
Finally!!! after the long, seemingly endless and sleepless nights i spent thinking of what it feels to have a blog of your own...i finally got to have one...of course not without the help of char..:) and kaye..:) tnx char!! for helping me.. and tnx kaye!! for telling me that you'll hack my email..haha!!

whew...this day has been very tiring...my body still hurts from the 1-mile run last monday(PE 101). imagine! my body's so weak the pain won't go away..not only that, my head also hurts..(it does not hurt much now.. but i'm sure it'll hurt more later..when i'm studying..hehe)
i have tons and tons of studying to do..most of them long exams..and i have to memorize parts of bones!!! yeah!!! i said bones as in bones!!! bones of a shark, chicken, turtle, and cat...my gosh!! and to think that this is only the beginning of my long years in med school..if ever i graduate from ateneo and survive..that's all for now..have to rest my mind and my eyes...not to mention my aching muscles..tnx again to char and kaye for making this blog come true for me:)